LET MYSELF STUMBLE

Now that I have come to understand what a great role my thoughts and feelings play in the world that I inhabit, my "reality", I understand the value of failing at something.  Especially something I have failed at repeatedly.

Now I see that whenever I try something new, and it doesn't work out, I am just learning how to get better at focusing and creating what I want. And there are some things that are more difficult for me than others.  Those same situations that keep popping up, even though the names and places might have changed.

A situation I don't like might be post-manifestational awareness that I have been mis-creating.  An opportunity for me to reevaluate, refine, refocus. Unhappy feelings are just the warning sign that I separated myself from Source, from my own Inner Being, from God/dess. A chance to ask myself "what do I want?" And the answer will be very clear, when I am in the position of knowing what I definitely don't want.

Where I used to cry and moan for a saviour or salvation to come from the outside and "rescue" me, I now look for the "rescue" thought and feeling inside of me. What is the next better feeling thought I can find? What feels a little better than how I feel now?

Somewhere underneath the mud and muck is the golden brick road that leads to the fertile green land that I seek.

The good feelings and good feeling thoughts are the stepping stones that, moment to moment, will lead me to where I want to be.

If you don't believe that reality is created through your own thoughts, or that you choose your experiences buffet-style from the reality you are experiencing, or even that how you feel is a decision, and happiness is a choice that you must keep making, I understand.
 
You might live in a world that is ruled by a God or by arbitrary Nature.  It might be a reality that is the same for everyone. Perhaps it can be explained through a holy book or through scientific observation, but in this world you do not have any control over what comes to you. 

You might live in a world where unpleasant things are destined to happen in unknown quantities, but always to happen in some measure.  And that there is no way to turn them away, or find value in them.  That they can only bring harm and suffering.

I lived in that world for many years.  I have great respect for it, and am well acquainted with its parameters. It is never far from me, and frequently overtakes me, like drowsiness can come upon you in field of poppies.

But I just keep reminding myself that even if I do share the same reality with everyone, and have little or no control over it, still, how much better to have a compass that points at what I want? Still, how much better to view each failure as another step towards success?

How much better- in any circumstance, in any situation, in any reality!-- to have the image in my mind of what I want?

Then everything I look at will be seen through the lens of what I want, making the joy that is possible in any moment come forward clearly.

And I do believe that we create our reality, through our thoughts and our feelings and our awareness.  I do believe that what we can see in our minds we can draw to us in our outer lives.  I do believe that feelings, that emotions, are the "Guidance System" that lets us know if we are really in tune with who we are.

Everything has a nature of attracting towards itself.  If you are looking for a football player, you are more likely to find him on the field, playing the game.  You can be sure he will know of others like himself.  And know them in much greater detail than you.

Look for what you want, and you will find more and more of it.

I have learned that when I stumble it is only because the path is covered up with my own lack of faith, or fear, or resentment, or guilt.  I have to look harder for the spots of gold to lead me.

I have to let myself stumble. 

That I have stumbled over this part so many times in only an indication that it is an important part of the journey.

I can't let someone else take me down their path.  I can't have anyone else determine what is yellow brick, and what might be a smear of paint on an old highway.

Every failure is an opportunity to improve on my future success.

Every stumble is still a step.