Social media post:
I do this sometimes and I do not know *why* is it autism? ADHD? what?- I have had it stuck in my head that anniversary of Ferguson was the 14th. Maybe because it was August of 2014? And somehow, right along there with it, was the absolute knowledge that it was the 9th.
I'm kind of glad I didn't go though. That was not an easy time in my life. But Ferguson gave me such hope. I'd spent spring of that year riding the bus from North County to U City and South City (hours on the bus) and handing out leaflets trying to get people to protest all these abuses of Metro's money by Bi-State Development Agency (they are not the same!) and the "incarceration due to lack of decent public transit" that characterizes North County.
Ferguson was not a surprise to me for a number of reasons. (If you know me you know why I started that particular campaign at that time- although it could have been about anything.) But if I hadn't expected it before, just talking to people I could have seen it coming.
Everyone wanted to talk about the almost weekly extrajudicial murders of mostly black men by police in cities across the nation. That St Louis would soon join that list did not require any psychic abilities at all. And I just happened to be riding through Ferguson twice a day.
Between February and June I encountered almost all of the major players in Ferguson- Michael Brown, his mother, Brittany Ferrell, (she recognized me at the protest after the city council meeting "the bus lady!" lol), Tory Russell.
But people were also mostly pessimistic about changing anything in St. Louis. "They will kill us all before they will change anything, even bus service, there is no point."
I'm having a hard time processing that it has been 10 years. Or that in some ways things are even worse than they were 10 years ago. Especially after Cori Bush getting defeated by only 7000 fucking votes. (FEC doesn't have financials after mid July, but if he raised 8.5 million and has 1 million left on hand that means he spent over $1000 per vote to win. That has to be a record in Missouri.)
And I guess I expected my own life would be better, but I realize now that will only happen when I leave STL, and I am still not able to do that. I am not willing to do that, I guess is the right thing to say.
Michael Brown should still be alive. Cops like Darren Wilson should not be allowed on the force. Kejieme Powell should also be alive. And I think there is a very real likelihood that Eddie Crawford was murdered because of Ferguson.
DeAndre Joshua I believe was killed by the same people that murdered Darren Seals.
I think a lot about Darren Seals. I saw him North County frequently, and at the gym in that shiny new Jeep. I didn't really know him though. He was just someone I saw in passing. And like a lot of people that became political during Ferguson that changed his whole life. *
It was very important to him that kids from his old life saw him get up and go to his job at GM every day. Saw him working on his music and his rhymes. Saw that he did not get a 501c3 and turn activism into a job. That was something he did for free, because he loved his people and his neighbourhood.
I do not think Darren was killed by the police, although I wasn't sure at first. His best friend was (is?) one of the biggest drug dealers in STL. He and Darren grew up together, and his friend was severely traumatized as child having seen his mother get shot and killed in front of him.
Was Darren allowed to fully leave that life? Likely no. And this guy, whose name I cannot remember, was in jail for a while after Ferguson and there was another guy who was trying to move in on his territory. Darren was killed by people that he loved. The man who killed him is dead now too.
The cornerstone of this drug dealers' territory is Riverview/ Glasgow Village near the high school. That business never closes down, and always has employees. In reality, for the foot soldiers, it probably doesn't pay better than a fast food job, and it is more dangerous, but it is available, and it offers a sense of brotherhood.
I remember the day Darren died. All of those kids knew who had killed Darren, even though they didn't say that to me, I could tell when I asked them. I remember talking to them and begging them to get out of that life. It's what Darren would have wanted. I think I did get through to one girl, but I remember one of the guys was angry and swore vengeance.
That night, or the night after, another kid was shot at the corner. I don't know if it was the kid or his twin, or someone else. And kids get shot pretty frequently at that corner, but it felt like it had something to do with Darren's death.
These areas do not need more cops. And white cops from the counties and rural areas should not be policing these areas EVER. We don't need more corrupt DEA agents or FBI investigations.
What we need is more Darren Seals. He wasn't perfect. By all accounts he was typical het cis man homophobic, had some prejudices against some other cultures. He wasn't your "typical" liberal friendly activist.
But he grew up in that life. And the courage it took for him to leave his old life was tremendous. I hope that when Michael Brown looks down from Heaven he sees how many good changes his death brought. How many people were given a glimpse of a life that offered a deeper connection.
It is really depressing that we haven't advanced further. But now that I have written this, I guess I see how much worse it would have been without Ferguson. I just wish Michael Brown hadn't died. I wish we didn't have to pay such a high price.
And I hope that people will continue to fight. Not out in the streets- but by calling elected officials and demanding changes to policing. (I do suggest another name than Defund the Police. Call it something positive-- Fund community, fund social workers, fund neighbourhood liaisons and mediators, Fund mentors.) But rooting out bad judges. By showing up to vote in primaries where people like Bell are running against true progressives like Bush.
Rest In Power Michael Brown, Jr.
*(I should mention that as a teenage I escaped a lot of dangerous men by becoming political, too. Between returning to St Louis in spring of 1980- from being a runaway in California- and September of 1981, I had gotten in with some really dangerous men. Felons, white supremacists, and then also just abusive racist men that were mostly older brothers of kids I was in high school with and dirty cops. To get rid of one I would cuddle up to one they were scared of, and I guess you can image how that worked out. Becoming Red Rachael though- that scared them... I still had to run from them if they caught me hanging out with a black guy- although I always feared for the guy more than me. But once I left high school and moved in with my boyfriend and spent all my free time in U City, I never saw most of them again. Politics has a power that other things don't. I am not sure exactly why. It has its own dangers, but it also has a unique power. )
