As usual, now that my birthday has passed I feel better. Some subconscious thing of "well, I've already done another year, I guess one more won't hurt." But this morning I woke up and instead of thinking "I'm still here, meh." I thought, "Well, by the time 2024 comes around the human habitat collapse will be apparent and either my political skill set will be (recognised and) needed, or the mothership will surely come to shepherd me home."
A big part of the whole depression is not just all that I lament in my last post, and being middle aged and never having made it and such, but also that I truly believe given the proper resources, I could make a huge difference in the St. Louis area. But trying to do it alone is so overwhelming. Even if I were younger.
I just want to say again, if you are also feeling despair to the point of feeling suicidal, or go to bed at night half hoping you won't wake up, that you absolutely must have faith in the fact that if you are waking up, you are meant to.
And I don't say that lightly. I have had suicidal nervous breakdowns. In 1992 I had one and at the time I was completely empirical. If humans could not see it or measure it, it wasn't real. No gods at all. No spirits. Etc. I was in complete denial about my gifts. And that breakdown I embraced them, and that changed my life. Since then it has been a 30 year journey, 31 actually, and I continue to learn and grow every day.
There is no time on the other side. It's not an endless string of days, it's all days. The days you will live, have lived, might have lived, and have yet to live. All together at once. I've only glimpsed this a bit, and like a dream, once you exit the vision it is hard to hold onto, but I assure you that you continue to exist and often continue living this life (in a slightly different atomic arrangement) or you will move onto another life, or you will watch over your loved ones that remain here.
You know the probable life you will lead before you incarnate. And the larger part of you remains on the other side. You do have the power to end your life here, but it makes it very difficult to reassemble yourself when you do that. Suicide effectively separates you from your larger self. It denies everything but the awfulness you are experiencing in this incarnation. (There are some spirits that seem to survive or overcome this, but really it seems like the best thing to do is just wait. If it is as bad as it feels your self on the other side will negotiate a way out for you.)
So hang in there as best you can. These last two months have been pretty hideous for me, and honestly, in terms of my day to day life, they don't look like they are going to get better, but I remind myself that I knew what I was in for when I came here. And in addition to the breakdowns, there have been times where I almost died by accident or otherwise, and made a choice to stay.
Trust that you belong here. Remember that no matter how this life seems from the side of the living, on the other side it is equal with every other life that has been lived- yours and everyone else's. The pauper and the prince are truly equal.
Just do one day at a time and try to focus on the positive things, the things that make you feel better, even if those things are the fact that humans are going to boil this planet and the water shortage is coming. Lots of people will die, especially in developed countries. Monetary wealth will be useless and the grid will shut down. You will for a few moments have the satisfaction of being able to say I told you so. (I know, that is mean, but after Trump and Covid I think most of humanity is shite. Maybe I will have a different opinion when I am on the other side, or when the misery spreads to the American middle classes.)
So cheer up, soon everyone else will be just as, if not more, miserable than you.*
LOL
And in other news: Mercury goes direct tomorrow morning. Don't expect the mass exodus or the all the weird shit to stop, though. The voluntary evacuation is still happening, and also The Powers That Be (including Mother Nature) are still trying to wake up the sleeping masses.
xxoo
(This image is way too cheery for this post but I like it and it is appropriate.)
* PS- I do recommend doomsday prepping rainwater collection, gardens, camp stoves. solar panels, HAM radios, and having your personal network organized. Also, any supply chain jobs are good right now, because you will be aware of the breakdowns in the grid before they become obvious to the public.
No comments:
Post a Comment