THE PLACE OF TRUTH

 When someone would die the Fochlacán (Bards) would say "Tá sé/sí in áit na fírinne anois."

"He/she is in the place of truth now."

I think a lot of the old fears about Samhain (SG: Samhuinn) were because the living fear the honesty of the dead. 

Every year there are difficult conversations and feelings to work through.  The ugly reflection in the mirror must be faced.  There must be a spiritual accounting that takes place, a balance of karma and forgiveness.  

I've been so preoccupied with the election, and some other issues in my life, that even though I put out food and cast a Circle and said the names for the last two nights, it is really only tonight that I have been able to fully focus. Tonight is the last night.  (Samhain is three "days" that begin at sunset, so until tomorrow, Thursday, at sunset.)

I apologize to my guests for putting out so many of the same foods- and most of it is snacks, healthy or otherwise- each night.  I only had non-alcoholic drink one night, other than water and coffee and tea.  

And, once again, I forgot a cigarette.  I have been thinking about smoking so much lately, craving it, that I think part of this was self-defense.  I know there is a butt out in my car, in the nether regions between the seats and the console.  But I don't know that I will go fetch it.  

I won't go fetch it because all the spirits are being so nice and I am exhausted.   Usually there are some complaints, said politely and all, but this year my grandmother has not said one word about the atrocious state of my house.  Or that while I spent this year preparing many lists and things, but when it came to this week, I can't find anything. I didn't even set up my Samhain altar properly. 

It kind of worries me a little, that everyone is being so kind. My grandmother pointed out that simply the act of pouring the drinks and preparing the snacks, no matter what they were, were a kind of ritual.  My ex-boyfriend and some of the other smokers told me it wasn't that big a deal, that the year goes by in the blink of an eye, and they didn't miss it. (Liars, lol.) 

It's funny, but this year I feel like many of them came on my account and not on theirs.  Part of that may be that  great bulk of them shifted in 2020 and 2021.  There is more than one level to the after-life. 

And so many, too many, folks that have died in the last ten years were well acquainted with my Samhain celebrations from reading my posts on facebook.  They know the protocol, and have no hesitation in asking for things.  In the last two years I have acquired a spirit that always wants acv and honey.  (My rule of thumb is, if you can only do one offering, that will be appropriate for almost everyone, throughout all of history, it is honey. So that is already out. Last year and the year before I mixed an ACV/honey shot, this year I just have the components out.) 

Someone also asked for vitamins this year and last. I think it is the same man- but cannot figure out who exactly.  One of two, that died with in 12 months of each other, from here and both musicians, though of a wildly different sort.  And there is someone here that loves figs and always asks for them. 

For my grandmother, Nonny, my best friend Sean, and my dearest friend and roommate, "Roomie", I try to make or get something they particularly like.  This year the best I could manage was my grandmother's spinach casserole, which is just coming out of the oven as I write this. 

Part of Samhain isn't just a verbal conversation with the deceased, it is that activities or things that remind you of the person that become infused with that person's energy in a visceral way.  And if it is your blood relatives, like my grandmother, I become very aware of everything I inherited from her.  I don't just mean looks or traits, I mean the way I scrape every bit of spinach and sour cream out of the mixing bowl- how in everything I make I try to waste nothing.    

I am always grateful for a visit from my Teacher who was a great Mage.  He tells me that the Truth is fluid and changes as we change.  This year the Truth I needed was to hear that I am okay when I cannot do my best, and that there is time. Plenty of time, and to relax and enjoy the company of others, whether they are living or dead, and stop focusing on these other things.  (Which is ironic given that in years past he has urged me to follow ritual and protocol.)

He also reminded me that Samhain is the future for the living, the way death is our future.  We will move onto the next world, and from there to further beyond.  But we will always be able to return to this incarnation and those that we loved.  In the future we will be able to visit the past.  We will be able to come back this earthly life through the memories of others. 

It's quite a lot, isn't it? I'm overwhelmed, as I always am by Samhain's visitors and revelations. 

If you are wondering if I remember your loved ones, I do.  I try to remember every person I have known that has passed, and even though there are people I have fallen out with, rest assured your dearly departed will always find the warmth and light of candle flame and plate of (weird snack) food, and drink at my house.  

But maybe not a cigarette...Not this year, anyhow.

Well, I am going to watch some Buffy with my Buffy fans that are on the other side, and we are all going to have some spinach casserole.  

xxoo peeps 

My grandparents - they were the same age but this is all I have- my grandmother at 16 and grandfather probably 30 or so?